Just for fun!
The Mensa Invitational Contest
Style Invitationals
There's actually no such thing as the "Mensa Invitational," but popular urban legend has pinned this name one of the recurring contests that appear in a column authored by "The Empress" in The Washington Post.
In this particular contest, readers are asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it be adding, subtracting, or changing ONE letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are some of the winners of past contests, and remember, it's okay to laugh out loud. Some of them are actually wildly hilarious while others are a bit crude or sophomoric. On the whole, however, they'll give you a good ten minutes of laughs.
There's a prize for those of you out there in The SHS Class of 1956 who send me one of these that has a Sheffield High theme. This will not be a "winner take all" contest--each of you who send one will get one of the prizes.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
19. Guiltar: a musical instrument whose strings are pulled by your mother.
20. Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them.
21. Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace.
Redefinitions
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.